Notes to self I made in this journal earlier today:
less worrying. more loving. less holding on. more letting go. less over-thinking. more relaxing.
Last week I went back and forth, finally deciding the internship I had been at for a few weeks with a small communication start-up downtown was not working out for me. I bowed out gracefully, not burning any bridges and thanking them for the opportunity whilst wishing them the best for the future. I genuinely do, I just know it’s not where I want to be. And even though this was my decision entirely, I felt a lot of anxiety and even sadness over it! Whattt?
Perhaps because I had been looking forward to it so much and it didn’t turn out to be what I thought it would. I was feeling a lot like I was back at “square one” – whatever that really means…
But I turned out to have the most awesome time while I would have been interning last week! With this newly allotted free time I went on a morning hike with some friends I hadn’t spent time with in too long. We hiked up to Cowles Mountain and within an hour I had a 360 degree view of the entire city- I could even see Tijuana and the Mexican border. It was the most beautiful morning; there were no clouds, the sky was a crisp light blue and everything was crystal clear with a light breeze easing the beaming sun. It was actually perfect, and I had a real moment of gratitude in which I think I came to terms with the decision I had made and pretty much told myself I was done thinking about it all. Moving forward, moving right along.
Then we had a delicious post-hike breakfast at this outdoor cafe John recommended, and I felt glorious. Happy with friends and fun activities in one of my favorite places in the world. Funny what one lovely morning can really do to your mentality.
And honestly, since that morning things have been continuously delightful, proving to me that it really is all your state of mind. Without listing all the good things that have happened lately, I think most of it is the way I’m sort of rising above it all. I feel a lot more confident in myself and the future (one thing that really plagued my thoughts for a while). I’m not saying I don’t get worried about things, but I really feel a sense of ease and hope. When I get coffee each morning, I think about how thankful I am for everything I have- even the smallest of things. Sometimes I make a list in the journal because I prefer to write things out. I’ve always been that way.
And what Shakespeare said, “Joy delights in joy”, well I couldn’t agree more. Positivity, happiness, delight, gratitude, and pure joy are contagious and if I hadn’t been surrounding myself with people that way, I might not feel as optimistic as I do. Optimistic not just for a job I love, but optimistic that life will be all around great; for myself and for the ones I love. It’s not easy to have blind faith in the most unpredictable existence, but I believe it all comes full circle and we can bring good things to us by the way we think and feel and act every day. So… do what you like, but I’m sticking to this. Thank you to any and everyone who ever brought love and happiness into my days. <3